When is it my turn to be right!?

After spending part of the afternoon with Phoenix's nephews, we came home and decided to relax. We watched Sunshine Cleaning, which was pretty funny. We decided that this movie was similar to so many movies which have come out over the last, I don't know five-eight years, where you have no idea what time they're supposed to be in...Like Napoleon Dynamite...You think it's probably the early nineties, but you just can't be sure...Or Juno...When is Juno taking place? And where in the hell did those two movies take place??? I don't freakin' know! But that's not the point of this blog. If it was, I would've called it, "Why don't these movies have REAL settings!?"...When she had started Sunshine Cleaning, she asked me, "Fullscreen or widescreen?" I said, "Well, your TV is a widescreen." She countered, "So?" I said, "Fine then. Fullscreen." She then clicked on widescreen. What the hell!? Why ask me if you already made up your mind and why argue with me when I suggest the one you're going to pick!? I just don't get it...Obviously, I wasn't "right". After that, we watched Dan in Real Life. I like this movie a lot and I feel so bad for Steve Carell in it. What I hate is that after watching it, I always go away with that song, Let My Love Open the Door in my head. I was cooking dinner after watching it and I kept whistling it and singing it. So annoying. I know, I was the one singing and I'm saying how annoying it was. I can only imagine what Phoenix was thinking as she was forced to listen to it...Yeah, I don't actually feel bad for her because she's mean to me...Hang on and I'll get to that.




I made awesome nachos for dinner tonight. I tried to make a nacho cheese sauce because we couldn't find nacho cheese at the store, except the crappy jar stuff. My nacho cheese sauce was decent considering it's the first time I ever tried...It could've been a bit "creamier", but it wasn't bad. Overall, the nachos rocked. Even Phoenix agreed. I added jalapenos to mine because I do love the spicier side of things at times. Now, I know that as I've grown older my body does not always agree with the spicy food I love, but I eat it from time to time. After eating tonight, my stomach began to hurt. I told her that my stomach was hurting. She didn't let me say anything else because she cut me off by saying, "It was the jalapenos! You know you shouldn't eat them!" I didn't even get a bit of sympathy...I argued, "It could've been from the pizza! It was so greasy!" She didn't budge a bit. I was wrong and she was right...


The funny thing is that about thirty minutes ago, I was sitting here writing another blog when she said, "Maybe it was the pizza. I don't feel well either." Oh, sure, when her tummy hurts, it's the pizza, but when I say mine hurts, it's immediately because of the jalapenos! BAH! I never get to be right...

Iowa and NOM...

I will most likely never understand the people in this country. I've yet to understand why it is that so much of the stuff in this country is "majority rule", which oftentimes means "whoever has the most money". Can we point out events in the past when the majority was oh-so right? I mean, one instance that comes to mind proving the opposite is The Holocaust...C'mon, no one in their right mind would jump on the bandwagon with Hitler, right? Oh wait, all kinds of people jumped on his bandwagon and for the longest time, no one gave a flying rat's ass that he was murdering Jews, the handicapped, homosexuals, and any one else he didn't like. It wasn't until he was taking over all of Europe that people started going, "Wait a second...He can't make Germany a super power. He can't own all of Europe!" How about here in the United States when the majority decided to make African-Americans second-class citizens? Was that okay? Last time I checked it wasn't put to a vote on whether or not African-Americans were allowed to vote or if they should be allowed to have equal rights. No, it took the Supreme Court to say, "Wait just a cotton-picking second here..." Only once they said that no where in the Constitution does it say that only white men get all the rights did the African-Americans get their equal rights.


Here we are, what like 40 years later, and we're still fighting the same battles over and over again. Americans are so dead set on making someone a second-class citizen that it doesn't even matter who it is. You hear people bitch and whine about the undocumented workers. Dude, whatever. They're called "Undocumented Workers" because they're working!! How about we worry about the documented non-workers who work the system for free shit? Just a thought...But I digress. There's always going to be some group of people that's going to get the short of the stick and in this case it's the homosexuals.
Yeah, people think that their votes should count for something, but let's face it...they don't. I voted, along with a lot of people I know (except for a certain woman who gave birth to me, but I won't name her), that gay marriage be allowed in California during that whole Prop 8 bull%*#@. It didn't matter though because the "majority" had spoken and said, "NO WAY!" Well, I say, "EFF THAT!" I've said it before and I'll say it again...I don't understand why people are allowed to vote on what they think is right for me and others like me. I didn't get to vote to say whether or not I agree with heterosexual marriages. The fact of the matter is that so many people worry that homosexuals are going to destroy the "sanctity" of marriage. What destroys the sanctity of marriage is infidelity, abuse, and neglect....Not homosexuals marrying their partners. Plus, you heteros are the ones with people like Britney Spears who goes to Vegas and marries her best friend for a whopping 36-hour marriage. (Or whatever the hell it was.) Yes, but you'd better watch out for us gays...We'll destroy everything our sinful hell-bound hands touch...


What brought this all up was an article I read yesterday. Check it out: Stupid NOM
Did you read it? If not, go read it and then come back. Where in that article does it say that there was a group of Iowans seeking help from NOM? I don't believe such a statement exists. It appears that these idiots (for a lack of a better term) have decided to just march into Iowa and start throwing around their ideas. The article even says that that politician, Steve Burgmeier didn't even know these people were backing him. Of course he'll take the free endorsement, but no one came to him and said, "Hey, you hate gays? We do too!! Let's join forces!" and then toasted their collaboration by drinking the blood of virgins. So, why the hell are these people there? Here's a video from youtube.com where you can see their advertisement. (It's put out by a group opposing them, so they provide an intro to the advertisement.) Idiotic NOM Of course judges are deciding the fate of things. Why, you ask? Because it's not clearly stated in the state's constitution. NOM wants to change that by doing another Prop 8. They even said in a statement after the whole California fiasco that they were going to go to all the states who legalized it and they won't stop until they make it illegal. So, watch out Massachusetts, Vermont, Connecticut etc...NOM is coming to get you!!


At the end of the day, you just have to ask yourself, what does it matter? Would it really hurt anybody if I were to marry a girl--er, um, I mean Phoenix? (She's going to kill me!!) What I mean is, is someone going to suddenly start finding the Seven Seals signifying the end of the world as we know it? I can just see it now, "Gay couples are now able to marry anywhere in the United States---This just in. We now have world wars, famine, earthquakes in places we've never had them before, and a man claiming to be the Antichrist taking over Canada." Seriously folks...It's not the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine.) (What's amusing is that song just came on on my iTunes, which I have on random play. Gay marriage should not be voted on by the people because there are far too many non-thinking, Bible thumping, "I'll drink the Kool-Aid" kinds of people out there who should not be able to vote on these issues. It's a Civil Rights issue, not a voter issue. I'll let it all go when someone shows me where it states in the Constitution that homosexuals are not allowed to have equal rights...*steps down off soap box*

I don't get it...

There are so many things that stump me when it comes to relationships...I'm not going to delve into all of them in this one blog because I don't have the kind of time it would take to write them all down. However, I shall delve into one of them...


I was talking to Phoenix and God only knows what when she suddenly points out that one of her brother's girlfriend likes me. (Not like that.) I said, "Of course she does; I'm Heather Tether!" (This is what the girl who shall remain nameless calls me.) Phoenix laughed and said, "I know. It's just strange though. She's always happy to see you. I never even talk to her, but you do all the time." She went on to say, "Perhaps it's a white thing, like you white people stick together." I laughed and said, "Yeah, she tried to get your sisters' guys on her side, but that didn't happen. So, now she has me." She smiled at me, but went on to say, "You should be hanging out with the boys. You're supposed to be in with the guys, not with the girlfriends." Apparently the reasoning behind this is because I'm the "boy". I rolled my eyes at her and said, "I don't think so." I asked her if she'd prefer that people didn't like me and she said, "I'm supposed to like you; not them." I then suggested she go back to her ex, whom it seems none of them were fond of. She gave me a dirty look for that comment...


Seriously though, why would it be bad if people like me??? And why the hell is she always trying to say I'm the boy!? It's gotten to the point where this even affects my dreams. I had a dream like a week ago and she and I were shopping. As we were looking at shorts and t-shirts, she walked off. She returned a moment later with two baseball caps. After putting hers on, she said, "Here, put it on. This was made for you." I didn't want to put it on, nor would I look at her because I knew she was up to no good. Finally, I looked at her and saw she was wearing a hat that said, "Femme" in bold pink letters and holding a hat (that's right) that read, "Butch" in bold blue letters. I said, "No! I won't wear that!" She said, "C'mon, you know you want to." This about the time I woke up...So weird that she's now invading my unconscious thoughts as I sleep with these sorts of thoughts...Although, I suppose that it could've spawned from this hat that I saw and wanted:

Ehh, who knows?


But yeah...I have no clue why it is that it's not good that people like me...Or why she feels the need to identify me as the "boy"...She once told me to tell my sister (because she too thinks I'm the boy) that there are no boys in lesbian relationships. When I brought this up one time as she argued that I'm totally the boy, she said, "I only said that to be nice and to score points with you! We'd only been together for a little while and I needed to stay on your good side." All I could do was laugh...I just don't think that in straight relationships there's always a need to identify gender roles. Can't we just live and be happy? In fact, can't we just be us and be happy that her family likes me?
Maybe I'm asking for too much...All I know is that I want that hat...(No, not the "Butch" one from my dream!)

Relationships...

Before I ever came out of the closet, and perhaps more now that I have come out of the closet, I've often heard women make comments like, "It'd be so much easier to be in a lesbian relationship. Women understand each other and everything would be so much better!" Of course, I'm more or less summarizing, but the gist is there. I'm not so sure I ever believed this BS, mostly because I know what women are like and I doubt it's all so "simple". Now that I'm in a lesbian relationship I can honestly say that it's a bunch of BS!! It's not any easier to be with a woman than it is to be with a man. I think, at the end of the day, relationships are just tough because it's two different people trying to work together to make something work and, well, you just can't assure that two people working together is going to go smoothly all the time, you know?

Firstly, lesbian relationships are a bit harder because, well, because we're gay. And people notice. In the beginning, I noticed all the time when people stared, probably because I was paranoid of what people thought. Over the last few months, I don't really notice people staring anymore, but sometimes I still catch people looking. Some people look at us with a look of disgust and that bothers me. All I find myself thinking is, "What's it matter to you?" When I first noticed people looking, I used to joke, "Are they looking at us because we're a mixed couple? Haven't they ever seen a white girl with a Mexican?" And I would laugh...It almost made me feel better...almost. I suppose this is something for another blog though...So, yeah...Lesbian relationships are not so easy because people notice...And you get those other people who then refer to your girlfriend as your "friend" and you start to think, "No, you mo-fo, she's my GIRLFRIEND!" It's not the same as straight couples. Straight couples are rarely ever stared at and no one ever pulls the, "Oh....He's her 'friend'." Well, sometimes, but not often.

Secondly, in lesbian relationships the gender roles are all out of whack. People ask stupid questions like, "Who's the boy?" And anyone in my family or my girl, Phoenix, will immediately say, "Heather!!" Apparently, I'm not so girly, but I don't see how this makes me a "boy". I think that women in relationships often break up the chores or jobs that need to be done according to what they are willing to do. For instance, I do almost all the cooking because I'm a better cook. I don't do it wearing a frilly apron or a dress from the 1950s, but I freakin' cook. Phoenix usually takes out the trash. When we got a flat tire, she called AAA while I started changing the tire. I think we switch off accordingly and make it work. I guess what often makes people think I'm the "boy" is that I'm the one who doesn't wait on people to do stuff for me, I just do it myself...even if it means working on my own damn car or mowing the lawn. Phoenix, on the other hand, likes to have stuff done for her, which I think makes her more woman-like. (Not that all women are like this, but yeah.)

Thirdly, women seem to think that all things will be solved by being with another woman. No freakin' way, man. Women can be inconsiderate. Women can be lousy communicators. Women have their time of the month. And yeah, women have bad habits too...I'll be the first to admit that I am lousy at communicating when it comes to feelings. Phoenix usually has no problem telling me exactly how she feels...especially when I piss her off. *grins* It's all good though...At least I know, right? I'll also admit that I have bad habits. For the first six months of our relationship I smoked. (Well, I smoked for a decade before she ever came along, but who's counting?) I finally kicked that habit with her help, but I have other habits I haven't kicked...I like to play the "What if...?" game. Well, I don't like to play it, but I play it in my head all the time. (For those of you not familiar with this game, it's a sick twisted game of self-doubt.) Phoenix bites her nails...And I believe with all my heart that she'd probably bite her toe nails if she could...(I hope she's not reading this!) As for the "time of the month"/Aunt Flo, well, two women is worse than one. I mean, you get the understanding when you say, "I have cramps" or "I'm bleeding to death!" but when you get two girls who are PMS-ing together, it's just not always pleasant.

Lastly, you still get all that regular crap that you get with anyone. You still get the whole, "Did you finish the toilet paper and not put another roll on?" Or "Why did you put the ice tea back in the fridge? There's not even a sip left in the pitcher!!" Or perhaps, "Umm...Did you put all of my t-shirts into the dryer, honey?" And of course after getting the response, you say, "No, sweetheart, you know I like my shirts all short like that. I'm all about showing off my muffin top." Or even, "What do you mean you don't want to talk to my mother? Just call her!!" All I know is that there's hair in the sink, no one puts the toilet paper on the tp-hanger/holder, and neither one of us ever wants to get out of bed to go check to make sure the front door is locked.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that committed relationships are just that...committed relationships. They all have their ups and downs. Every couple has their issues to work on, but in the good relationships, there's more ups than downs. Fortunately, I found a keeper. We may not know our gender roles very well since we blur the lines between the two constantly. And we may annoy the hell out of each other with silly things like loving musicals (Who doesn't love to sing and dance?) or singing ridiculous songs no one has ever heard of (And these can't all possibly be Girl Scout songs!! I was a Brownie and I sure as hell didn't learn all those songs!), but at the end of the day, we love each other and we work well together. But in no way, shape, or form are gay relationships easier. I cannot explain how much it sucks to have people say, "Oh, that's her friend Heather." So, to all of you out there thinking that it'd be easier to be with another women, well, you're wrong.