Relationships...

Before I ever came out of the closet, and perhaps more now that I have come out of the closet, I've often heard women make comments like, "It'd be so much easier to be in a lesbian relationship. Women understand each other and everything would be so much better!" Of course, I'm more or less summarizing, but the gist is there. I'm not so sure I ever believed this BS, mostly because I know what women are like and I doubt it's all so "simple". Now that I'm in a lesbian relationship I can honestly say that it's a bunch of BS!! It's not any easier to be with a woman than it is to be with a man. I think, at the end of the day, relationships are just tough because it's two different people trying to work together to make something work and, well, you just can't assure that two people working together is going to go smoothly all the time, you know?

Firstly, lesbian relationships are a bit harder because, well, because we're gay. And people notice. In the beginning, I noticed all the time when people stared, probably because I was paranoid of what people thought. Over the last few months, I don't really notice people staring anymore, but sometimes I still catch people looking. Some people look at us with a look of disgust and that bothers me. All I find myself thinking is, "What's it matter to you?" When I first noticed people looking, I used to joke, "Are they looking at us because we're a mixed couple? Haven't they ever seen a white girl with a Mexican?" And I would laugh...It almost made me feel better...almost. I suppose this is something for another blog though...So, yeah...Lesbian relationships are not so easy because people notice...And you get those other people who then refer to your girlfriend as your "friend" and you start to think, "No, you mo-fo, she's my GIRLFRIEND!" It's not the same as straight couples. Straight couples are rarely ever stared at and no one ever pulls the, "Oh....He's her 'friend'." Well, sometimes, but not often.

Secondly, in lesbian relationships the gender roles are all out of whack. People ask stupid questions like, "Who's the boy?" And anyone in my family or my girl, Phoenix, will immediately say, "Heather!!" Apparently, I'm not so girly, but I don't see how this makes me a "boy". I think that women in relationships often break up the chores or jobs that need to be done according to what they are willing to do. For instance, I do almost all the cooking because I'm a better cook. I don't do it wearing a frilly apron or a dress from the 1950s, but I freakin' cook. Phoenix usually takes out the trash. When we got a flat tire, she called AAA while I started changing the tire. I think we switch off accordingly and make it work. I guess what often makes people think I'm the "boy" is that I'm the one who doesn't wait on people to do stuff for me, I just do it myself...even if it means working on my own damn car or mowing the lawn. Phoenix, on the other hand, likes to have stuff done for her, which I think makes her more woman-like. (Not that all women are like this, but yeah.)

Thirdly, women seem to think that all things will be solved by being with another woman. No freakin' way, man. Women can be inconsiderate. Women can be lousy communicators. Women have their time of the month. And yeah, women have bad habits too...I'll be the first to admit that I am lousy at communicating when it comes to feelings. Phoenix usually has no problem telling me exactly how she feels...especially when I piss her off. *grins* It's all good though...At least I know, right? I'll also admit that I have bad habits. For the first six months of our relationship I smoked. (Well, I smoked for a decade before she ever came along, but who's counting?) I finally kicked that habit with her help, but I have other habits I haven't kicked...I like to play the "What if...?" game. Well, I don't like to play it, but I play it in my head all the time. (For those of you not familiar with this game, it's a sick twisted game of self-doubt.) Phoenix bites her nails...And I believe with all my heart that she'd probably bite her toe nails if she could...(I hope she's not reading this!) As for the "time of the month"/Aunt Flo, well, two women is worse than one. I mean, you get the understanding when you say, "I have cramps" or "I'm bleeding to death!" but when you get two girls who are PMS-ing together, it's just not always pleasant.

Lastly, you still get all that regular crap that you get with anyone. You still get the whole, "Did you finish the toilet paper and not put another roll on?" Or "Why did you put the ice tea back in the fridge? There's not even a sip left in the pitcher!!" Or perhaps, "Umm...Did you put all of my t-shirts into the dryer, honey?" And of course after getting the response, you say, "No, sweetheart, you know I like my shirts all short like that. I'm all about showing off my muffin top." Or even, "What do you mean you don't want to talk to my mother? Just call her!!" All I know is that there's hair in the sink, no one puts the toilet paper on the tp-hanger/holder, and neither one of us ever wants to get out of bed to go check to make sure the front door is locked.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that committed relationships are just that...committed relationships. They all have their ups and downs. Every couple has their issues to work on, but in the good relationships, there's more ups than downs. Fortunately, I found a keeper. We may not know our gender roles very well since we blur the lines between the two constantly. And we may annoy the hell out of each other with silly things like loving musicals (Who doesn't love to sing and dance?) or singing ridiculous songs no one has ever heard of (And these can't all possibly be Girl Scout songs!! I was a Brownie and I sure as hell didn't learn all those songs!), but at the end of the day, we love each other and we work well together. But in no way, shape, or form are gay relationships easier. I cannot explain how much it sucks to have people say, "Oh, that's her friend Heather." So, to all of you out there thinking that it'd be easier to be with another women, well, you're wrong.