Where you can find me...

Okay, so it's going to be hard for me to keep up with my regular blog, this one, and the lesbian relationship examiner, so this blog is going to suffer. I might still come here from time to time to blog, but for the most part, I'm giving it up. I will, however, be writing about lesbian relationships for the examiner.com. In fact, click here and you'll find my articles. Please check them out or pass it along to others who might like it. As of this moment, I only have the one article on there because that's all I was allowed to write at first. I am working on a second article (perhaps as one of a few pieces that tie together). I guess that's it folks...Check out my other blog for the latest haps and look at my examiner page from time to time to help a girl out with money!! That's right, I get paid if people come read my stuff...Not much, but money is money. Peace out!

Lesbian Advice Column...

I found an ad online for the examiner.com. They're hiring for people to write for them who feel they have the inside scoop on specific things in specific areas. For instance, if you live in Phoenix and you're a serious fan of the Diamondbacks or Cardinals, then you could write articles about the best seats at the games or the best bars to watch the games. You could also talk about other aspects of the teams in the local area, like charity work they do or something. So, I was like, "Hmmm...What do I know?" I looked at the list of what they were looking for and saw relationships/lesbian. I thought, "Hey! I'm in a lesbian relationship! And I live in Phoenix! I could do this!" I applied. I wrote them a silly article as my "introduction". I also linked them to my blogs. They wrote back and said they were impressed with my writing (I'm not sure it was a form letter, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was...), but that they wanted one more sample. I wrote them an article on something new to do to keep your relationship exciting and keep you healthy. Phoenix and I have been thinking about taking up hiking, but haven't started it yet. Plus, I don't own any boots except my Doc's, which are not hiking boots. So, I wrote this article about hiking in the Phoenix area and linked it to some websites to find trails, maps, etc. I made jokes in it and thought it was great...My problem was trying to figure out a title for it...Obviously, for my sample article, I couldn't title it with something like Take Your Dyke for a Hike! Or Hike With Your Dyke. Or, well, you get the idea...I called my mom, but she was no help because after I said Take Your Dyke for a Hike, she couldn't think of anything else. I ended up calling it Take a Hike, which is boring, but "safe", you know? I'm hoping to hear back from them though...It wouldn't be a full-time job, but I love writing and earning anything from writing would be great...


Speaking of writing, I let a friend read a novel-length story I wrote. I had let Phoenix read it and she thought it was great, but I always worry that she's biased because she loves me, you know? So, my friend read it and loved it! She actually stayed up super late last night to finish it. Cool, huh? Perhaps I should send it off to some publishers. I had sent it in for a writing contest, but being that it's about lesbians, I doubt it would win because the place I sent it to sounds rather, um, uppity, I guess is the word I'm looking for..."Snobbish" works too. So, yeah...I found some gay publishers though, so I might send it off and see what happens. It would be awesome to be published!!


I know that this is supposed to be my "gay blog", and not much is going on at the moment, so I have this one little story. Last night, Phoenix and I were watching House Hunters on HGTV. (Seriously, I should call Cox and ask for it to be removed from our line-up because I watch it all the time!!) Before jumping into the story, I'd like to point out that whereas Phoenix and I disagree on so many things, we do agree on houses. In every house show we've seen, we agree on which houses we like or don't like. Last night, we even made the same comment about a bathroom that wasted all kinds of space. It was amusing. So, house shopping, once we get there, won't be a big deal at all. Anyway, so, we're watching House Hunters and this girl is on there in Detroit, Michigan looking for a house with an $80,000 budget. She was able to find pretty nice houses for the price. (She also chose the house we liked.) In the beginning of the show, she had long flowing blonde hair and talked about being a 7th grade teacher. She also rode a motorcycle (A crotch rocket.). I was wondering if she was gay because she just gave off that vibe, but I wasn't sure. Phoenix didn't say, "Oh, she's so gay!" either which is what I was waiting for...At the end, when it showed her making her decision and talking about it, she had shaved her head so that her hair was like a half inch long all over. She was all, "I cut my hair and bought my first house and bought a puppy!" I was like, "Oh my God!" Phoenix was all, "Is that the same girl!?" She looked like a total dyke! I couldn't believe it! It was as if she used House Hunters to show off her gayness!! It was crazy. If I were on that show, I wouldn't show off my gayness...I would claim that Phoenix was my "sister"...Shhhh, don't tell her I said that...


That's it for me today...Phoenix just called with a new task for me. My newest task, should I choose to accept it, is to find a park with racquetball courts. I have no idea how to play racquetball, which may be why she wants to play with me; she'll kick my ass. So, I am off to locate parks with racquetball courts...Man oh man, she's trying to turn me into a dyke...Next thing you know, she's going to want me to play softball or shave my head or ride a motorcycle or wear sweater vests...Oh shut up! I only own a couple of sweater vests and I think it's totally acceptable for English teachers to wear them! It doesn't make me a dyke!

Life Can Take a Toll on Relationships...

I've come to realize that no matter how great your relationship is or how much you love your partner/significant other/husband/wife/etc, life can totally take a toll on your relationship. I think that only those of us who live in La-La Land believe that no matter what happens, everything will always be all rainbows and butterflies. I'm not a rainbows and butterflies kind of girl...Well, not in that aspect. I consider myself a realist and it has recently come to my attention that without working on a relationship and talking, things can get messed up pretty quickly.


No, my relationship is not in jeopardy, but thanks for asking. I am determined not to let it get into jeopardy. It is my relationship with Phoenix though that has made me stop and think about it. I've been really stressed out because I cannot find work and I am waiting on Chapman University to send my papers to the state of California so that I can pay my fees, get my paperwork proving I have a preliminary credential, so that then, I can turn it all in here and get a teaching certificate for AZ. I've applied to be all sorts of different things, most of which I qualify for (or over-qualify for) and I haven't heard anything back. I've also come to realize that some people rather enjoy insinuating that I'm some kind of "moocher", if you will, since Phoenix pays for everything. Yes, well, if I was some kind of moocher, I'd probably be having her out buying me nice things like a blow dryer and Converse in varying colors and fixing my car, no? But I'm not. I ask for only the basics to get by. Others don't see this though and assume all sorts of stuff and it pisses me off because anyone who really knows me, knows I'm not a moocher and I'd work if I could find something. So, this is taking a toll on our relationship because I am very touchy about the subject...


To add insult to injury, my mom had to have some tests done because she was having problems with her, umm, let's say IBS for the sake of not being gross. Even though I was pretty sure it wasn't anything to be worried about, it was still kind of scary, you know? If something happens to her, I'm going to inherit a 5-year-old girl full of piss and vinegar who thinks that Christina is my "best friend". (And no, that's not what worries me. I love my sister.) Then, my grandma, whose had more strokes than one person should ever have, went to the doctor because she was having problems breathing and they found something in her lung...Yeah, grandma used to smoke. So, she had to go see a specialist. This was pretty scary. Although, the nodule thing they found was only 2 mm, not 2 inches like my grandma said. I was picturing like an egg in her lung and really, it's something the size of a pearl. Still, they want to run more tests and since she's going on 80, they're not going to want to do much to fix her up since she's old and according to Obama's plan, she probably qualifies for cash for caskets...(Side note- I despise all politicians.) The doc supposedly thought it might be emphysema, which isn't great, but hey, it's not the big C, right? Well, at least, not that we know of.


On the other side of my relationship, Phoenix has her own family issues going on, so she's on edge. She's also worried about money because it's just her income. She's also trying to figure out how it is that we can both afford to go on a trip to New York, NY next year with her niece and nephew through their school. (It'd cost about $4,500 total. And we'd be chaperons.) It's just so hard because there's so many things we could do with the money, like try for a baby (Apparently, it's not cheap to get sperm. If I was a guy, I'd totally sell mine all the time!) or something good like that. I also want to see my grandparents in Florida because they're both pushing 80 and not really up to traveling anymore. But money sucks and it's so stressful because we're both going, "We need (insert item here)!" and yet we can't do shit about it until I find work!


So yeah, she's on edge and I'm on edge. This is not a good mixture of things here. I'm cranky when I'm stressed out. So is she, but she'll say it's a lie...Well, at least that's what she told me when I told her she was being cranky...But then I had to ask her to yawn so I could have my head back. I suppose it's all about learning to cope together, right? I fear though that if I am unemployed for any longer, it's going to tear us apart because the stress is getting to be too much. And I'm afraid she's going to start taking it out on me, even though she's one of the few people who knows I spend hours each weeks sending off my resume to people. Something has got to give...I just hope it's for the better when it does give...Anyone have any ideas on how to make this better?

Adventures in Foster Care...

On Tuesday I ended up going to a foster care orientation. Phoenix and I have been kicking around the idea of doing foster care, but we've been trying to figure out an agency to go through since I am not fond of the idea of going through the same one she went through with her ex...I know, I'm such a bad person for that, but whatever...So, I had to be at this orientation at 6:30. I got there early, which gave me time to watch the people arriving. Most of the people there appeared to be married couples. I think there were two women who were most likely single moms, which made me wonder why they'd want to do it. According to the presenters, this is NOT a way to make money. Yeah, because my first thought regarding children is that they'll make me money. *rolls eyes*


Anyway, the people there were weird. There was an older white man there, like at least late fifties perhaps early sixties with his, most likely, Asian wife who was maybe, and I'm being generous here, all of 29 or 30. I didn't know Woody Allen had moved to Phoenix and was fostering children. Then there was another married couple who could've been Jack and Kelly Osbourne. No joke. I feel sorry for the children they foster. "Ahhh, we're having doves heads again!?" I'm just not sure I've seen people so tatted up and pierced who desire children, but to each their own. Next to me was a very scary African-American man. He had come in, and in his James Earl Jones voice asked me, "Is this for the foster care?" I looked up at the 7 foot tall man and said yes it was. He then took the seat right next to me, and I was kind enough to stand up to let him into the row. Why he took the seat next to me is beyond me, but whatever. So, he sits there and first of all, his damn phone kept going off. And he wouldn't immediately silence it, but he'd slowly pull it out of his shirt pocket, look at the screen for a moment, and then push a button to silence it before putting it back in the same pocket. I've seen frozen molasses move faster than this moron. Secondly, he kept putting his arm around my chair. I was not with this man, nor did I want others to think I was with him. I was leaning forward slightly because I was doodling in the notebook I had brought with me and taking notes from time to time as the woman talked, but when I sat up, he was clearly putting his arm around me. The first time I sat up straighter, he had the nerve to sigh and move all quick and angry-like, as if I was putting him out. By the end of the hour and a half presentation (People should be forced to hold their stupid questions until the end. Oh yeah...There are no stupid questions, just stupid people, right?), I wanted to ask the man if he knew what personal space was, but then I realized I already knew the answer--No, he had no clue what personal space was since he had no qualms about putting his arm around me. Bastard.


I left the orientation with less than stellar information. I was hoping to find out which agencies were gay-friendly, but all I got was a list of agencies in the area. In fact, I had only slightly more information than I had already found online. I could've spent that time people watching at Barnes and Noble, for crying out loud! What a waste...On the other hand, I did have fun watching the weirdos there. Like the man up front who kept raising his hand and jumping half out of his chair every time he had a question...I know who he was in school. He was the boy who would leap out of his seat, with his hand up, yelling, "Ew, ew, pick me! Pick me!" And then he'd have the wrong answer anyway because those guys never know the right answer, they just want to be called on...

HGTV...

I suppose that as relationships progress, people end up discussing marriage and all that. In my own relationship, we don't really have that option unless we move away, you know? I mean, we could move to Cali and get a civil union (lame)...Or even a few other places that offer civil unions, which is more or less a slap in the face. "Here you go, queers, it's separate and unequal...Just the way we like it to be." But I digress...Phoenix and I have been giving it some serious discussion though. I mean, I'd like there to be something more to our relationship than just, "Oh, this is my girlfriend Phoenix." (Yes, that's how I introduce her.) Would you want to spend your life telling people that your significant other was your boyfriend/girlfriend? "Oh yeah, we've been together for thirty years now..." It's crappy and you know it.


In order to get married, we'd need to go somewhere that allows same-sex marriage. This really limits us because there's like, what five states now? Well, six if Maine votes that it's okay. So, we'd have to move to Iowa (Yucky!), Vermont, Connecticut, Massachusetts, or New Hampshire, and maybe Maine, depending on the vote (Those Prop 8 people better not be there!!). No offense to my relatives in Mass or anyone else who lives in those states, but that just blows! I'd have to move so far from everyone...It hardly seems fair, you know?


On the other hand, have you guys seen these places??? I've never been to the east coast, unless you count flying over it at like 30,000 feet on my way to and from London, England. (I know, it doesn't count.) I have seen pictures of parts of Mass because of my relatives and I have always wanted to go to Mass because my grandpa grew up there and used to tell the most amazing stories where he'd describe how green everything was there. (I grew up in the desert and moved to a new desert...I want some green!) So yeah...Phoenix and I started looking into these areas. We were curious about what the states were like, how much of a house we could get for money, cost of living, etc...


Vermont's cost of living, according to a couple of websites online, wasn't all that different than here, but then when I looked at people talking online, they said it's high to live there...Still, Ben and Jerry's is there (I LOVE ICE CREAM!) and look at this:



It's so pretty!


Then there's Connecticut, which wasn't bad....Still, the cost of living is higher, which blows. It's pretty too though. (And yes, I know...It's not all woods out on the east coast, but this is my blog and I'll portray it as I see fit...*grins*)




New Hampshire was also on the pricey side, from my research, but again...Pretty!




Of course, who could forget Massachusetts? I have relatives there, so it's not like I'd be completely away from my family, right? Plus, who wouldn't want to hang out at Walden pond? Emerson loved it so much...Side note- I'm not a fan of Emerson...He was so boring! Oh, and the cost of living, outside of Boston (It was almost 50% higher in Boston than here!), wasn't bad...




And lastly, there's Maine...I haven't looked into the cost of living there or the real estate because I'm waiting to see what their vote brings about...However, who doesn't love lighthouses?




I know, I haven't mentioned Iowa...That's because we don't want to live there. Who would? Look at this:



And this!



Yup, not moving there...I'll skip the hunting parties and tornadoes, thank you very much.


Don't worry...We're not moving any time soon. We're more or less trying to get a game plan together. If I could just write a best-selling novel, I could buy my dream house in one of these states, or so she tells me...I think it's time to stop letting her watch HGTV, well, House Hunters especially. The only time she'll change the channel is when the people are like, "Oh...We only have $1.5 million to spend." That's when you'll hear Phoenix bitch them out and mock them, as if they could hear her or would even care if they could. She got excited the other night when we saw some lady with a $80,000 budget. She found a house too...Good ol' Texas has places for white trash. I'd say, "Good to know" because it could be our back-up plan, but my understanding is that George W. Bush lives there, so I'm pretty sure they probably tar and feather and then hang gays...Obviously though, these aren't things you see on HGTV.

The games we play...

If you're hoping for a blog about the twisted sex games that Phoenix and I play, then you are totally in the right place...No, wait...That came out wrong...If you're hoping for a blog about the twisted sex games that Phoenix and I play, then you are in the wrong place! I charge for those...JUST KIDDING! We don't play those sorts of games...Let's move on, shall we? The games we play are, well...interesting to say the least.


I'm all for playing games of all sorts. One of my favorite games to play is the "This or That" game that I play with an old high school friend. We text each other random things and make the other choose one or the other...I know, it sounds boring, but it's not because we choose two really painful, horrible things...For instance, "Would you rather be covered in honey and eaten to death by ants or be drawn and quartered?" (That's just an example...I doubt we've actually used that one...Wait a second, I should write this down for future use...) Another example would be, "Would you rather eat twenty pounds of watermelon or drink a gallon of melted butter?" (Can you imagine how full you'd be from all that watermelon? Or the butter? Eww...I'm making myself sick.) Or even, "Would you rather be smashed between two Mack trucks or fall off a thirty story building and land on a glass awning?" (OUCH to both!) So, that's our game. It passes the time...When I worked at Pizza Hut, it totally made the long afternoons go by quicker. But the games Phoenix creates are nothing like this...


Phoenix likes to turn everything into a game and I'm okay with that. I'm competitive (Although, I've learned to let her win because it gets mighty cold when she loses, if you know what I mean...) and I just love playing games. One of the random games we played was a fucked up version of those "Humdingers" from Cranium. You know, you have to hum part of a song and get the other person to guess it. We had played Cranium at Family Game Night and we were not so good at these, so she wanted to practice. The game started before bed one night and I believe we spent the next two or so hours in bed humming every song we've ever heard. I was nice though and didn't bust out the big guns (you know, all the show-tunes I know...). In the end, I think we called it a tie because she wanted to keep going until she won. It was just plain crazy. This game was harder than her version of Name that Tune, which we play in the car with our iPod that has both of our music on it. (I know all my songs...It's her songs that throw me, but I'm getting better...)


The other game she likes playing is something she once saw on Who's Line is it Anyway? It's the "turn everything into a question" game. I HATE this game. Do you have any idea how hard it is to carry on a conversation using only questions??? We once played this game for over an hour. This morning we had it going on for about thirty minutes, but then she had to get ready for work, so it ended...I'm telling you...Do not try this at home! No one should talk in only questions. And she's so mean...She's always like, "Are you sure that was a question?" She tries to throw in all these yes or no questions, which of course makes it harder.


My question is this: Do other people do this? She even makes me guess movies when I'm in the kitchen cooking. She'll be all, "Don't look! And tell me what this movie is." So, from a clip of dialogue, I'm supposed to guess a movie...I'm pretty good at this too, as long as it's something I've seen before. I'm just not sure what's weirder though...That she wants to play these game...Or that I play them with her...

Falling in love...

I read an article a while back about falling in love. This wasn't some sappy, overly romantic article written by some love-crazed woman. It was looking at the different aspects of love and falling in love, like scientific aspects. Apparently, they defined "falling in love" as that euphoric feeling one gets when they first start to love someone. According to this article (which I wish I could find again so I could link it to this blog), if you have been in a relationship for a while and you no longer have that "euphoric feeling," you can try to rekindle the feeling by staring into your partner's eyes. It is through eye contact, according to the article I read, that we can make ourselves fall in love all over again...I'm not sure I buy it, but whatever. When I had first read it, I had joked with Phoenix, "If you ever fall out of love with me, I'm going to make you stare into my eyes for two minutes! Then you'll love me again!" We laughed and moved on.


Last night, as we laid in bed watching Property Virgins and House Hunters and God only knows what else on HGTV (Never turn this channel on! You'll lose yourself in the shows!), we were chatting. She said something about loving me and I had joked something about it's a good thing she does, otherwise I'd make her stare at me until she did. She asked about that article again, so I gave her the Cliffnotes version of it, similar to the one I provided above, and she laughed. She also suggested we try it. I mean, if it's supposed to give you that feeling with the butterflies and all that crap, then what's the big deal, right? It's not going to hurt anything...


We sat there looking into each other's eyes quietly for about two seconds, then she started talking. "I'm going to look into your one pretty eye," she said. This is an old joke from when we first started talking. She didn't believe me that I have hazel eyes because all the pictures I had on MySpace were from far away and she had assumed I had brown eyes, so I had sent her a picture of my right eye. (When I tried to take a close up shot of both eyes, I looked cross-eyed, which I'm not.) So, since then, she has always joked that I have, "one pretty eye." I laughed and said, "Thanks." Then she pointed out that my right eye was more open than my left, to which I said, "I know. It's really obvious in pictures when I grin. I don't know why it does that." She said, "I never noticed." Again, I was quiet, but she kept talking and all I could think was, "How am I supposed to fall in love with you if you keep talking!?" I didn't say this though...And now she'll be reading it and I'll probably be sleeping on the couch tonight...Oh well...At least then the cat will leave me alone since she likes to sleep on the bed at me feet and attack me any time my feet move.


We lasted about a minute and change before she stopped looking at me. I asked, "What're you doing?" She said, "That was two minutes. Probably more." I said, "I was counting. That was like a minute fifteen." She laughed. Perhaps this is why so many people fall out of love...They can't be bothered to look at their partner for more than a minute or so...