I've come to realize that no matter how great your relationship is or how much you love your partner/significant other/husband/wife/etc, life can totally take a toll on your relationship. I think that only those of us who live in La-La Land believe that no matter what happens, everything will always be all rainbows and butterflies. I'm not a rainbows and butterflies kind of girl...Well, not in that aspect. I consider myself a realist and it has recently come to my attention that without working on a relationship and talking, things can get messed up pretty quickly.
No, my relationship is not in jeopardy, but thanks for asking. I am determined not to let it get into jeopardy. It is my relationship with Phoenix though that has made me stop and think about it. I've been really stressed out because I cannot find work and I am waiting on Chapman University to send my papers to the state of California so that I can pay my fees, get my paperwork proving I have a preliminary credential, so that then, I can turn it all in here and get a teaching certificate for AZ. I've applied to be all sorts of different things, most of which I qualify for (or over-qualify for) and I haven't heard anything back. I've also come to realize that some people rather enjoy insinuating that I'm some kind of "moocher", if you will, since Phoenix pays for everything. Yes, well, if I was some kind of moocher, I'd probably be having her out buying me nice things like a blow dryer and Converse in varying colors and fixing my car, no? But I'm not. I ask for only the basics to get by. Others don't see this though and assume all sorts of stuff and it pisses me off because anyone who really knows me, knows I'm not a moocher and I'd work if I could find something. So, this is taking a toll on our relationship because I am very touchy about the subject...
To add insult to injury, my mom had to have some tests done because she was having problems with her, umm, let's say IBS for the sake of not being gross. Even though I was pretty sure it wasn't anything to be worried about, it was still kind of scary, you know? If something happens to her, I'm going to inherit a 5-year-old girl full of piss and vinegar who thinks that Christina is my "best friend". (And no, that's not what worries me. I love my sister.) Then, my grandma, whose had more strokes than one person should ever have, went to the doctor because she was having problems breathing and they found something in her lung...Yeah, grandma used to smoke. So, she had to go see a specialist. This was pretty scary. Although, the nodule thing they found was only 2 mm, not 2 inches like my grandma said. I was picturing like an egg in her lung and really, it's something the size of a pearl. Still, they want to run more tests and since she's going on 80, they're not going to want to do much to fix her up since she's old and according to Obama's plan, she probably qualifies for cash for caskets...(Side note- I despise all politicians.) The doc supposedly thought it might be emphysema, which isn't great, but hey, it's not the big C, right? Well, at least, not that we know of.
On the other side of my relationship, Phoenix has her own family issues going on, so she's on edge. She's also worried about money because it's just her income. She's also trying to figure out how it is that we can both afford to go on a trip to New York, NY next year with her niece and nephew through their school. (It'd cost about $4,500 total. And we'd be chaperons.) It's just so hard because there's so many things we could do with the money, like try for a baby (Apparently, it's not cheap to get sperm. If I was a guy, I'd totally sell mine all the time!) or something good like that. I also want to see my grandparents in Florida because they're both pushing 80 and not really up to traveling anymore. But money sucks and it's so stressful because we're both going, "We need (insert item here)!" and yet we can't do shit about it until I find work!
So yeah, she's on edge and I'm on edge. This is not a good mixture of things here. I'm cranky when I'm stressed out. So is she, but she'll say it's a lie...Well, at least that's what she told me when I told her she was being cranky...But then I had to ask her to yawn so I could have my head back. I suppose it's all about learning to cope together, right? I fear though that if I am unemployed for any longer, it's going to tear us apart because the stress is getting to be too much. And I'm afraid she's going to start taking it out on me, even though she's one of the few people who knows I spend hours each weeks sending off my resume to people. Something has got to give...I just hope it's for the better when it does give...Anyone have any ideas on how to make this better?
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